You know your happy when

You have a silly grin on your face at all times,
You giggle at the most random things,
You can't help but smile,
You sing out loud and dance in the hallway,
You eat something just because,
You are full of energy,
& your motivated to do work :)
I love my roommates Kait & Chloe they make my live interesting and make me happy when I'm down <3 you girls

Honesty & college

Today I found out that Princeton Review rates Marywood University,aka where I attend college, as having being the 2nd college with the most unhappy students. #GREAT! Explains a lot honestly.

L.I.V.E

Life is short- live it
Love is rare- grab it
Anger is bad- leave it
Feat is awful - face it
Memories = everything -> cherish them
<3
Don't wait for tomorrow when you've got today. Start doing things!

Am i

Am I perfect? No. Am I your picture perfect girl? Probably not. one thing is for certain though, I am an honest girl & babe you be killing me again and again. It jus #wontstop, dont stop.

Scenes from an Italian restaurant :)

Today I was lucky enough to be taken to dinner at one of the cutest little Italian pasta restaurants. The pasta was delizioso and I highly recommend it. It's called CAFE SORIANOS. <3 they have really great food and supposidly have really good breakfast & lunch. Great quality for a reasonable price. Check it out. 11/2011 ( sorry upload difficulties)

Love me

Love me without fear. Trust me without wondering. Love me without restrictions. Want me without demand. Accept me for who I am <3

Some of the best advice I could ever give

Whatever makes you feel bad, leave it. What ever makes you smile, keep it <3 it is crazy how the simplest things can make you the most content. Be grateful for the goodness in your life.

apples, gasoline, & pizza flavored combos

today was a pretty pointless. i accomplished NOTHING. literally, nothing. I woke up, went to brunch, went to work from 12-3, did some of my RST (religion) hw and swam for a grand total of 10 mins. I left work and came back to my room where I proceeded to lay around and do absolutely nothing. I listened to Pandora for a few hours, listening to my Goo Goo Dolls station, as well as my Vindicated Station, by Dashboard Confessional. I got really hungary and realized I have no food because all i do with my life is EAT so I made myself mac and cheese and had salt and vinegar chips as well as some handfuls of sour patch kids. At 5:00 I went to dinner with my roommate Kait and my suitemate Mel. We meet up with a few other girls and then headed over to Naz (the main dinning hall aka the only thing open to MU students on the weekends) and ate there. I worked on my homework before we left and after I ate some green beans, which were really good for once - crunchy, & cucumber, onion, & tomato salad. I had a huge bowl of rice crispies for my desert with banana in it and after a while we left. Kait and I came back to the room and worked on hw. I finally finished up my RST hw and then read the Sparknotes for the book I was supposed to write this paper on for HIST class. It was about 8:00pm when I decded that I was really craving apples and that is where the post title comes in. I decided to go and get some macintosh apples at the grocery store, so I drug Kait out with me and we went to Price Chopper and I got apples, carmel, and Arizona green tea. I then proceeded to go to Sheetz where I got 2 big bags of pizza flavored Combos and $30 of gas. I am now broke, just as an FYI. Good thing I am getting paid on the 25th, which doesn't make a bit of sense at all because break starts on the 23rd?. Anyway, I am here and I am not going out because I have too much work and frankly I am a little sick of doing the SAME old thing EVERY single weekend. I have no desire to leave my dorm. Instead I am going to catch up on homework, considering I have a lot of it due before break which is after my final class on Tuesday. Looks like I am going to #nerdup. Story of my life. So ready to go home and be with my friends from home. I really NEED this break. Come on already.

i dont need to live forever....

I don't need to live forever, nor do I really desire the opportunity. I just want to have the chance to live, and to live in a state of happiness and have a live showered in an abundance of love. I don't need to be the person who cures cancer, or who is an undernourished model on the front of Cosmo magazine. I  don't need to have perfect hair, teeth, style, or looks. I just want to look at my reflection in the mirror and be proud to say that the person looking back at me is the person I want to be. I don't need a huge house, fancy cars, designer labels, or fake friends. I just need to be surrounded by people that challenge me and that make me want to be a better person each day. I just want the satisfaction of feeling complete, sheltered in someone's unending love. I want to wake up every morning and close my eyes for every single day of my life seeing the one I love lying next to me. I want to feel the warmth of his skin and his gentle touch on my curves every single night, knowing that he is not thinking or desiring anyone but me. I want to love my job, never working a day in my life. I want to be comfortable for my days and die in peace. I want to raise children and be a mother. I want to be proud of myself but see the new life of my family, knowing that in reality I never really needed to live forever because my legacy will carry on in the people who I have loved dearly and who had loved me dearly. In a way I never die, I remain immortal. Like the Immortals of war, a fallen man only means another opportunity for someone else to re-adorn my armor and rise again to make the fight in this world.

The next time you feel like looking down ...

Remember all the things you'd be missing out in if only you lifted up your eyes

sleeping issues

Today I woke up at seven am after sleeping fitfully for the past few hours. I had problems falling asleep last night and things did not improve much throughout the night. After forcing myself back to sleep I remember waking up again at nine o'clock. Time after this point is incomprehensible to me because somehow I ended up in a state of sleep or in a temporary state of unconsciousness/ semiconsciousness. At twelve o'clock i woke up in pain and was extremely uncomfortable. I was still in a groggy state of mind, yet I had this sicking feeling in my stomach like I had forgotten to do something that was really important. At first I was I lie with my head in my pillows, looking up at the ceiling confused. Then, it hit me. It was 12:00! I had just missed two of the three of  my classes I was supposed to have today, & to make matters worse, I was prepared for both of them. I was so angry, flew out of bed, refusing to believe the time, and realized that it was twelve o'clock and there was NOTHING I could do about the classes I had just missed.
I missed Engl. class & Philosophy and today might have been one of the WORST days EVER to miss them. In Engl. I was supposed to have a test on The Kite Runner, & in Philosophy I was supposed to take a quiz and go over the rest of Kaunt's epistemology on law and government.
I am SCREWED.
To make matters worse, we are coming up on break in a week. I didn't work my ass off all this time to miss 4 classes in the past two days! I didn't work this hard to fail my classes and have to RETAKE them.!!!
UGH f%*ck SLEEPING ISSUES!!! =[

Phone calls and facebook posts

Today my friend called me, I hadn't heard from him in a long time, being as he is in the service and transferred bases. It was really good to hear from him and see how things were going and it really made my day.
Speaking of things that made my day, my sister posted a quote on my Facebook that I would like to share with you, here goes->
If she is amazing, she won't be easy... If she is easy she won't be amazing. If she is worth it you won't give up... If you give up, you aren't worthy.
Could not agree more. Mad tired- bed time :) niight <3

& I sit down at a table meant for two and suddenly Im forced to face the truth

hope there is a conversation, & we'll admit that we had it good... but until then...

if you ask me how i'm doin, I would say i'm doin just fine, i'd lie and say that your not on my mind ...

i am flawed but i am cleaning up so well, i am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself <3 i am strong because i have been weak, i have hope because i have been hopeless, i am fearless because i have been afraid, & i am wise because i have been foolish. <3 every day presents you with a new beginning. take advantage of it and create something in this world that will outlast your temporary existence. Have an impact on others & bring about greatness by demanding it from others. Never quit, but don't fight for the sake of fighting. life is not a battle field, we are not waging war... we are simply trying to reinvent ourselves each day && become better by learning how to BE better.

im a zombie... so tired

twitter <3 im not a huge fan of this all nighter business I have goin on right now.

You have a choice

Being hurt is something you can't stop from happening, but being miserable is your choice

& when you experience happiness, you'll know it & so will everyone else around you...

If it is meant to be <3

If it is truly meant to work out it will. It doesn't have to work out this second, or this instant. In fact, it doesn't have to happen within the week, this month, or even this year. if it is supposed to be, it WILL come into being. So, don't give up on something that feels right, but at the same time be smart and don't put up with something that is intrinsically wrong either.
If he is THE ONE you WILL know && he will love you unconditionally no matter what.

Its easy ...

It's easy to tell someone that you love them but it is much more meaningful to thank someone for loving you.

before you give someone your trust, remember that you should

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, & let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.

Oh how I have been dying to tell you...

How insecure you are and how pathetic your existence is. I wanted to take the time to tell you how little you mean to me, how little consequence you have in my life... but then I decided to conceive my time.
I don't know if it is even possible to describe just how much i have been dying to tell you how much you could never mean to me. It is rather comical how much irrelevance you have in my life now.
Oh how i desire to show you that i have done better, moved on, & grown up.
Can't you see you mean nothing to me?.
I would call you up to tell you but I'd rather not waste my breath. I would text your phone but I wouldn't want to waste a text message, free or not.
Don't take this the wrong way, I really don't care to be mean, but the fact of the matter is that you literally mean NOTHING to me.
You have no power over me, you couldn't influence my emotions, opinions, or desires. I'm a big girl & you well your not really getting anywhere at all. Nevertheless, I wish you well... enjoy you misery, I'm sure by now you have plenty of company.

Reading skills

You can't move onto the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Something wise

https://twitter.com/ug1ies/status/133697960545484802

Im just your average girl

I'm nothing out of the ordinary. I'm another human being. I'm just another body taking up space, breathing in oxygen while the clock ticks away. I surround myself with people that build me up and make me smile. People who make me feel better about life, loving, living,& taking chances. I'm a pretty tough read because i, like many others, have been hurt by life. I have felt the pain of rejection and abandonment because of people that are supposed to love me but do not understand the meaning of the word, much less how to do it. I have been broken down by lies & deceit, and I now find it difficult to open up & let people see all of me. I have come to understand that i to look out for number one, me, because no one else will, or is able to 100% of the time. Ive come to protect at least parts, the most fragile, as cliche as that sounds, from the massacre of reckless hands. I stand with walls, guarded. I can guarantee one thing: If you actually get to know me, you will experience a whole new part of me. I am trying to repair the life that was pulled out from underneath me. I rebuild daily with the hope that I will ultimately reestablish my life, restoring it back to what once was my own. I am a strong girl,full of determination and passion for living. I have a decent sense of humor but I do not respond well to those who belittle me. Chances are of you think your better than me your wrong. Don't insult my intelligence or my family because they are my everything. I have strong opinions but can admit when i am wrong. I strongly disagree with the notion that people need to exhibit their strength all the time, & even though lately it seems as though it is all I can do. I strive to pick myself up, dust myself off, & walk on my own path, but I don't try to do it alone. I am just attempting to where I belong, to get in where i fit in, and to be around people who love and support me. I am not all that sentimental but I am in touch with my emotional side. I don't like it when people are fake with me, so if you can't talk me/ if you don't know me around certain friends or while you are in certain situations, then you don't really know me do don't bother calling, texting, facebooking (etc) me when it is convenient for you. I'm not a convenient friend. I don't always take the path of least resistance nor do i take the path that is frequently traveled. I make my own way. I know nothing aside from what experience has taught me. I am in no way a philosopher or a great thinker. I just try to find the underlined meaning in life because if there was none things would be much harder, if not impossible. Things in my life are complicated, and that is why I'm hard to read. I'm a book that's been written, rewritten, and destroyed, yet i like to think i am a work in progress that is looking for a better ending. I no longer blame people, the world, god, or anyone/ anything else for my problems. It is a waste to spend your time thinking about how you WISH something was different. The more time you waste pitying yourself, the less time you have to MAKE IT different, to make things better, to simplify life, & to give it new meaning. I STAND UP, i make my voice known, and let it be heard. It doesn't matter if I am one in 6 or 7 billion. My voice is a voice and it matters, i matter. Here I am, just another girl, who is not settling with the cards life dealt her. I am making story known.

always remember your strength within

what lies BEHIND us & what lies in front of us is nothing compared to what lies WITHIN us.

DeCiSioNs DeCisIonS

fact #1: i love tattoos
fact #2: it take a confident person to have tattoos
fact #3: to date, i have 8 tattoos
fact #4: i have another tattoo in the making
fact #5: i am not sure what i want to do - have a few differ. avenues
fact #6: i want to get feedback so that i can get some new ink

Speed bumps

Bad relationships are like speed bumps. They FORCE you to SLOW DOWN & think about where you are headed.

Mr. Know It All

Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than the person with all the facts.

The only way that someone can break you is if you give them the power to do so. Stand up for yourself, take a few jokes, roll with the occasional punch, laugh with your friends, & be silly, but don't take crap from others. Stand up for yourself & your beliefs, because sometimes that is all you've got. && remember that just because I don't have the same ideals as you doesn't mean I'm wrong.

Pajama girl <3 & jacks mannequin

It's Saturday! Where did the weekend go! I just had the second best chocolate bagel ever at Bloomin Bagles, thanks to miss Lizzy. I met Liz this weekend, she is my roomate/best friend Chloe's best friend & I'm already in love with her too!!! She is a sweetheart and I had a great night at Bloom because of her & her generosity. I hope we can all come back to visit :). I love it!!!

Pajama girl?. Ok well let me explain this. So, Kait, Chloe, Mel, Lizzy, & I are at Bloomin Bagels eating and talking when this kid comes up to us & is like so any of you guys smoke?! We said no. He wasn't taking no for an answer & starts telling us that he has this drug & that he wants to give it to us for free because it will change our lives. We are just like what the hell?! I was like look we aren't interested. To which he responds, oh alright pajama girl. I am wearing a gray thermal from ae with an embroidered pink eagle on it and a pair of really good embroidered sweatpants with my ugg boots. I stood up & was just like look you are an asshole. He says that this is okay and that at least he has my attention. To this I responded saying that he didn't have my attention, that I was going to ignore him, & that I just thought he was an asshole. (haha) RANDOM people/CREEPERS/ DRUGIES. Piece of work.
But anyway, about Jacks mannequin!
We have that on on the car & we are headed back to marywood. We all have tons of homework but after this weekend I feel good about getting to work and getting things accomplished!
I've got a good outlook on things, thanks to the greatest people in my life.
God gives some people strength to get through life, I'm just thankful that god gave me my friends. I love you guys. We have had some pretty crazy times together! I wouldn't trade you for the world!!! We have so much more to do together. Let's live every moment.

Single status - dont hate

Single isn't a status. It's a word that describes a person that is strong enough to enjoy life without depending on others.

Bloom here we come

Road trip with the girls. <3 Chloe, Kait, Mel & I :). Pretty stoked, can't wait to get a lil crazy, a little wild, & make a few new friends. Making memories with some of the greatest girls. Nothing is going to get me down. I deserve a good night :)

True life

"God can't hand you something new until you let go of what your holding."
I was listening to Katy Perry's song:The One That Got Away & was regrettably thinking about all the opportunities & people that have come into and out of my life. I'm not gunna lie, it was kinda a bummer because it's such a beautiful day out & it's really a shame to waste the positive energy around me because I was allowing a silly song to alter my mood. I looked at my twitter & saw this quote & suddenly it gave me a better outlook on the situations. Instead of thinking I had missed out on people and opportunities and let them get away I realized that I was just holding onto my past. It was this precise thing that was holdin me back from moving on to something better.

Im an insomniac

So it is 2:30 on the morning and I am still awake. Right now I am listening to some quiet music (mostly quiet anyway) even though I should be sleeping, like normal people. My body clearly has other plans for me and it is becoming obvious to me that it doesn't involve sleep.
So,here I am. I have a pretty decent amount of quiet and distraction free environment (with the exception of the loud & annoying banging coming from above me- 4th floor girls of Regina Hall are being LAF---> STFU) and I actually am finding the environment suitable for some reflecting on my life. Trying to get a new perspective, I lay here in one of the most relaxing positions ever with my legs crossed and one leg under the covers,while the other is outside, & my thumbs are flying across my virtual keyboard typing out my innermost thoughts.
I have to admit that part of the fact that I am still up, besides the obvious fact that i am an insomniac is because I am excited about this weekend! (im supposed to go visit Bloom U) That isn't it though! Another aspect is fact that I am stoked full of excitement about this blog!
I hope that I am more faithful to this blog than I have been to journals, diaries and the like. I will try to keep with the posts & keep things fresh and updated. I mean with my twitter and my useless facebook it shouldn't be too difficult right?.!

driving with me

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it. 

fEarLEsS

"i have not ceased being fearful, but i have ceased to let fear control me. I have accepted fear as a part of life, especially the fear of change the fear of the unknown but i have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says turn back, turn back you'll die if you venture too far"

i missed my calling -> BeAutY in thE tRueSt of ForMs

life has no significance outside of the one you give to it. find meaning in the simple things in life, because one day you will look back on them and see that all your lasting memories are a combination of all those little things. celebrate life: when we think with optimism, we experience happiness. when we think with pessimism, we experience life's negativity.

my philosophy:

i believe that life  is one of the greatest adventures & i want nothing more to take on a new adventure there with this blog.

if i can reach out and make a change for just one person, let one person know that they are not alone, & that there is still beauty in the mist of the cRazIeSt realities, I will have done enough. everyone wants to be heard. things are REAL & even if you have given up before, or you don't see a point in going on, i want to CHaLlEngE you to tRy again.

ReBuiLd-> it is okay to forgive yourself & others.

everyday presents you with a new possibility - you never know what life can do for you or what you can do to change someone else's life.

So, here is my ChaLlenGe:

REBUILD with me, follow me, break with me, make mistakes with me, & refocus your life with me.

I am not an extraordinary person. I am just a girl... one girl in a world with a population of over 6 billion. I am from a small town, a town that you have probably never even heard of. I don't get all As, and I am not a super model, but I matter. I am MaKinG a DifFerEncE & i am spEakIng up & am liVinG life instEaD of waTchIng it PasS me by.

SOmEthiNg nEw

Everything has a BeGinNing & this is mine.
i decided to cREaTe this blog for a variety of reasons.
i hope to reach outward and start again. rebuild from the ground up. i'm letting go of my past & instead am building toward my future.
in this blog i will be posting some things that are relevant to my life. i'll be sharing some of my innermost feelings, thoughts, view points, & even some quotes, music, and videos.
if all goes well, this blog will not just be another unread, irrelevant WASTE of SpAcE on the internet & will branch out & reach someone who can either learn from me & my mistakes. maybe this blog can be a source of optimism for YOU.